D is for Pain


What trust do you have for me? What piece of mind to share and discuss? Idle lust and a place to sit and think, or a cell to sit and weep, what mind do you have to placate me? A finer choice to make, a pair of withered hands, of hair so fine, spread over the pillow as you sleep and dream. A stark cry against the blackness outside the Hospital. That gap between the stars where we lament and tear our hair, stand around with awkward smiles and shift our feet in a dance to avoid the frosted floor. Instil the sense of dread perhaps, lay a hand on the Butchers block or the lusted and fed.
We tangle up our lives in a sense of order but lie and our hearts fly sometimes to the edge of things and look upon the wastes of things we left behind to bitter hearts yearned for heartless turns instilled anger and pushed violence, of punches and little pinch. It take a brave heart to turn arrows but we seek and look we cannot find the places we go to rest and gather our thoughts. Inside the layers of stitches our spirit falls with the rest wings tangled in the beating breast and the tubes that keep me alive. The clouds scatter and will not touch me in here, it looks like it’s raining and cold. The falling man the bidden unjust, I feel these things now inside me. The air it screams to touch my flesh, and the land falls up to do the rest and deep I plough into the earth and rend its bones with my fall.
When all is done and the covenant held I ask why the fall from high? I hear the spirits cry and my judgement my bitter lies cast out and broken free. In the end the proclamation means nothing to at all. In my ignorance I am confused and wonder whether I ever had a chance or were the odds always stacked like a losers race three legged handicap. I am seeking before I start. For fucks sake they are speaking to me but I cant hear them, I cannot let them know the pain I am in. End me please.
At the point I lost my heart, I slept. My mind was lost among the shock and the pain, my confusion at everything yet, inside I knew. I knew they had me, I knew them so well. They are to torture me, they are to squeeze me like a tube of Toothpaste as ‘they’ suspect me of something and have made a play for me to act. They want to know who I am and in all their nearly infinite power they don’t have a fucking clue. Who are they? A Nurse hurries past her hands full with plastic bags full of dressings. “I know you!!” I laughed out loud and she stopped. “I fucking know you! You were the Cleaner yesterday and a Nurse today! You have changed your roles! Actors!!” I screamed at her as she hurried away. They injected the tubes in my wrist.

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